….Awful. It’s been a rough couple weeks, and I’m just feeling overly bleh at them all. I mean… shit’s just falling down. And I don’t mean gigantic turds or anything like that, but a gentle splatter of liquid diarrhea that gracefully covers the landscape, akin to gentle snowdrops. Only brown and shitty.

True, this might be pure drama, and the things going on certainly aren’t *that* terrible… but they do hurt, a lot. Basically, I’m not doing good at work. They tried to fire me the other day…. Ugh, I don’t really want to write about it, is I’ll make it short. They told me I either changed another job (3 more hours and comparatively less money) or they’d ‘let me go’. Of course, I rejected it, but since then I’ve been feeling pretty shitty about even just going to the job at mornings. Not to mention my metrics just refuse to get better. My sub is constantly complaining about tat, only she can’t rally do so, because even she has to admit everything she tells me to do, I do it.
According to her, if even doing the things she tells me I FAIL, it’s because I don’t ‘believe’ in it… Pretty hard to believe in something that you don’t see working. Not to mention the fact that I feel that now that my sub knows I’m in the ‘firing’ list, she doesn’t deem me worthy of her time. I am constantly being heard by this guy that for some reason hates me, and treats me like an idiot…. I really can’t stand it. I think that they’re trying to pressure me into quitting, and I might just do that in the end… Besides my parents have started again with that shit about me getting a boyfriend.

Apparently, I cannot be considered a complete human being until I get some sort of trophy male figure to show around. And let’s face it: I’m in no shape to have any meaningful relationship. I can’t commit, I constantly feel pressured (by myself) and I basically am terrified of ending in a relationship with someone like my dad, meaning I have a tendency to flee. I’ve ruined a good pair of good relationships like that, and each one just makes me feel shittier.

And as usual, I am rp-partnerless, which is kind of like the equivalent to hurricane Katrina for my soul. I use rp to cope with all this ridiculously emo shit, but no one ever seems to be online or interested In playing what I want. And all I eve want is Asakura twincest. It’s ridiculous, but I cannot control myself. I also find myself missing Kya terribly, despite all and … ugh. There’s so much to do, and so little time to do it. And my willpower is like… sapped out. I don’t know where it went. Maybe I’m just getting old… =_=